4 simple actions you can take when you are overwhelmed
Understanding and coping when life piles up
There are times when it seems as though everything converges at once — pressures at work, responsibilities at home, and unforeseen crises that demand our full attention.
When this happens you might feel like you are drowning, or stuck, not knowing what to do. You might feel angry and resentful, or you might feel sad and tearful and simply unable to cope.
Put simply, you feel overwhelmed.
This happened to me a few months ago when my entire household was struck by Covid. My wife and both of my daughters fell ill, and my wife's condition deteriorated to the point where she had to be admitted to hospital, with a combination of Covid, influenza and pneumonia. It took weeks for her to recover, during which time I had to juggle caregiving, work commitments, and managing the house.
Just last week, I had a similar sense of overwhelm, albeit on a smaller scale. I was swamped by workload and deadlines, and I could feel myself reacting in unhelpful ways.
So, I thought it worth writing about what is happening to us on a psychological level when we get overwhelmed by the day-to-day challenges of life, and considering what steps we can take to help ourselves.
Please be aware that I am focusing on temporary setbacks here, not permanent pathologies like depression or anxiety. If you have any suicidal thoughts when facing difficult circumstances, or you think you have an underlying mental health condition, you must seek help from your doctor or local support services.
The psychology of feeling overwhelmed: what is happening to our minds?
When we feel overcome by events, our brains enter a state of heightened stress. This is the fight, flight, or freeze response, the evolutionary survival mechanism that prepares us to confront or escape danger. While this response is invaluable in immediate, life-threatening situations, it can be detrimental when dealing with other modern stressors, such as managing a household during a family health crisis. I’ve set out below in simple terms, what happens to us.
Cognitive impact
One of the first casualties of feeling overwhelmed is our cognitive functioning – what we think. Under stress, our focus narrows and we become driven by our emotions (see further below). The brain's prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, problem-solving, and critical thinking, is less able to influence our responses. This leads to a kind of cognitive impairment, where our ability to process information, make decisions, and plan ahead diminishes significantly. In this state, even routine tasks can feel insurmountable, and our thoughts become fragmented and disorganised.
Metacognition, or the ability to reflect on our thought processes, also suffers. For instance, we might find ourselves unable to step back and assess whether our approach to a problem is effective, or struggle to recognise when we're caught in a loop of unproductive worry. This can lead to the familiar downward spiral where negative thoughts and concerns become more prominent, further clouding our judgement.
Emotional impact
The brain's amygdala, which processes emotions, becomes activated during stress, intensifying our emotional responses. This is often known as the amygdala hijack. We might experience mood swings, increased irritability, or feelings of despair as we grapple with our responsibilities. This emotional turbulence prevents us from accessing the rational support of the pre-frontal cortex. As we become less rational, more reactive and less patient it can not only affect our decision-making, but also severely strain our relationships with those around us.
Behavioural impact
Behaviourally, overwhelm often manifests as either hyperactivity or paralysis. Some people respond by attempting to tackle everything simultaneously, resulting in frantic, unproductive multitasking. Others may experience a complete shutdown, finding it difficult to know what to do or where to start, because the sheer volume of what needs to be done feels too daunting. Both responses are counterproductive and can lead to further stress, as responsibilities continue to accumulate.
Strategies to cope: simple actions to manage overwhelm
Given the profound impact that feeling overwhelmed can have on our cognitive, emotional, and behavioural functioning, it's crucial to have strategies in place to manage it effectively.
These strategies need to be simple, so we can easily remember them and easily do them, even while our mind is not at its rational best.
Here are four simple actions that can help alleviate the pressure without adding to it, and that can be repeated over time to maintain a sense of balance.
1. Embrace micro-actions
When you're overwhelmed, the prospect of tackling large tasks can be paralysing. This is where micro-actions—small, manageable tasks—come into play. Instead of focusing on everything that needs to be done, just do one small, simple thing.
Break tasks down into the smallest possible steps. For example, rather than contemplating tidying the entire house, start with clearing just one surface or organising a single drawer. These micro-actions are not only easier to initiate but they can break the ‘stuckness’ and create a sense of accomplishment that can build momentum.
2. Practice mindful breathing or meditation
I swear by meditation as the most effective tool that I have for calming my stresses, especially when practised regularly. Ironically, and as a prime example of the amygdala hijack, whenever I am under intense pressure and need it most, I often reject meditation as an option because I ‘reason’ that it is too time-consuming. This is where mindful breathing comes in as a simple and quick alternative.
When stress peaks, our breathing often becomes shallow and rapid, which can exacerbate feelings of anxiety. Mindful breathing is a simple yet powerful tool to counteract this. By consciously slowing down your breath, you engage the para-sympathetic nervous system, which acts like the antidote to the fight or flight response, helping the body relax and conserve energy after periods of stress or danger.
To practise mindful breathing: take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, hold it for a count of four, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this process several times, focusing solely on your breath.
3. Create a 'must-do' list
In times of overwhelm, it's easy to get lost in a sea of tasks, many of which might not be essential at that moment. A 'must-do' list is a pared-down version of your to-do list, focusing only on what absolutely needs to be done today and how to do it. This isn't about neglecting other responsibilities but about prioritising what's truly critical.
For instance, during my family's illness, my must-do list consisted of ensuring everyone had their medications, preparing basic meals, and managing essential work deadlines.
In fact, once my wife was admitted to hospital, I managed my work by letting everybody know what was happening and explaining that I was simply unavailable for a few days.
This approach helped me conserve energy and focus on what mattered most.
4. Do some exercise
This is another option that it is easy to convince yourself that you don’t have time for. But you will certainly feel the benefit if you can bring yourself to do some exercise – maybe a run, a fast walk, a swim.
The purpose here is to switch your mind off and break the cycle of despair, panic or paralysis that you may be experiencing. If the exercise is vigorous enough, your focus will be on your body for a while and not your mind. This can help you lower the stress response and experience the effect of endorphins, which are natural brain chemicals triggered by exercise that can improve your sense of well-being.
Conclusion
Feeling overwhelmed is a natural response to life's pressures, especially when those pressures seem relentless. It affects us cognitively, emotionally, and behaviourally, making it harder to function effectively.
The strategies outlined above can help you get yourself through. But, it is important to remember that it's okay to not have everything under control all the time.
All you can ever do is try to do your best, no matter what life throws your way – and not beat yourself up when everything is not perfect. Because the truth is, it never can be.